Fantasy News
by Fireyone
Summary: Fantasy News
1. Episode 1

DarkAngel) Hi I'm back,  
Now for the fic..  
  
I do not own Final Fantasy 9  
  
FANTASY NEWS  
  
(Host is Zidane)  
  
(Zidane) Hi welcome to the "I'm a loser show!"Sorry but it's just the news.Today's "best diet" will be announced by Selphie Tilmitt! (Selphie) Boogers taste like chicken! They make you lose fat! Eat boogers! Yaaaaay!!!(Zidane)....Let's move on. New pop sensation "laguna" has just released a new hit album! Here's a sample of his single! (Laguna) It's tearin up my fart when I'm with you! And when we are apart, I smell it too! And no matter what Ido I-(Zidane) Uhh, that's enough.! On a more tragic note,Barret's daughter Marlene has gone bald. (Marlene)NOOOOOOOOOOO MY HAIR!!!!! (Zidane) Now here's a shocker!We've discovered that Brittney Spears is really Winnie the Pooh in disquise! Woo- hoo! And now from our sponsar!  
  
(Irvine) Come to Irvine's gun shop! Call at 911-I-NEED-A-GUN!  
  
(Zidane) And now we'er back! I have a confession to make ..I wear a THONG! Woo Hoo! (Jumps up and down ondesk) (Garnet) (Walks into room) Zidane,What are you doing?!? (Zidane)I'm running around in a thong! Ain't I sexy?!?!!!!! (Garnet)...(leaves) (Zidane) (singing) Honey came in and she caught me red-handed creepin with the girl next door! picture this, we were both BUTT-NAKED,BANGIN' on the newsroom floor! (Garnet) (dashes in and looks under desk and all around the room)...(leaves) (Zidane) SEXY MAN! YEAH!!!! (jumps back into clothes) Stay tuned for the next news update at 11! This is Zidane at channel 19 signing off!  
  
(DarkAngel) Hope you enjoyed it tune in for the next episode!Pleassse! 


	2. Episode 2

This is DarkAngel, Fireone 233 did not write this fic or the other Fantasy News episode I did! And I don't own any of the Final Fantasy games.  
  
Fantasy News Episode 2  
  
Zidane) Hi I'm back with the news at 11 ! So what else is new ?  
Lets start of with a word from our sponsor.  
  
Guy1.I'm gellin you gellin?  
  
Guy2. I'm gellin like a felon.  
  
Zell3. I'm Zell gellin!  
  
All: oooooohh!  
  
Zell: By foot gell it's gellin!  
  
Zidane) Now back to the news. Our researchers have finaly discovered the gender of Kuja! It turns our that Kuja is a-  
  
Kuja) We interupt this program to say that Zidane is a peeping prying snooping monkey fart! (Sticks out tongue) Nyaah!!!Urgh! Now back to the news.  
  
Zidane)(Doesn't know he was cut off) and that's how we figured it out!  
  
Kuja) Now they will never know! Mwahahahahahah-hack! Hack!  
  
Zidane) Mini markers and mechanical crayons are the newest back to school fads! Buy them or your friends will kill you! Squeaky pant are cool , but squeaky underwear is not! Don't buy squeaky underwear or your friends will kill you! We have also just found out that Jennifer Lopez is really a robot! Creepy! We have reports that yesterday Selphie Tillmit rode the fair train back and forth ten times! Talk about weird. (Suddenly the phone on the desk rang)  
  
Selphie) Trains aren't weird ! There fun!!! ( Then imedeitly hangs up the phone)  
  
Zidane) Well that was quite a phone call. ( Sarcasim) In the world of baseball the Losers lost to the Winners how exciting!!! Now for a word from our sponsors!  
  
Guy1. Do you need new armor? You do? Then we got the right place for you! Call Sir-rust-alots - armor shop at 1-800-Si-  
  
Steiner) That's not funny!! (Chases Guy1. Into the sunset.)  
  
Zidane) That wasn't much or a helpful comercial. Well that's the news tune in next time this is Zidane signing off!  
  
DarkAngel ) Hope you liked it ! Please send reviews! 


	3. Fantasy News Episode 3

Fantasy News Episode 3  
  
(DarkAngel) Sorry that I have took so long to write this I've just been really busy! Now for the News.  
  
(Zidane) High I'm back with the news! I'm here enterviewing Irvine!  
  
(Irvine) Oh are we on the air?!?!?  
  
(Zidane) Why yes we are.(kicks Irvine in the leg)  
  
(Irvine) OWW! YOU BI-  
  
Beep!  
  
This is the swear word alarm system.There will be no swearing in this fic.  
  
(Zidane) That was sudden....You readers who are reading this right now remember in episode 1 if you read it that I made a confession of dancing around in a thong right?!?!?.... Well now Irvine has a confession to make!  
  
(Irvine) I do???  
  
(Sidane) (not listening) Irvine knitts!!!  
  
(Irvine) I DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Irvine)(grabs mike out of Zidanes hand throughs at camera)  
  
(Little rainbow stripes are seen on the screen) Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!  
  
(Unknown persons voice) We are sorry we are having technical dificultys please wait.  
  
TWO HOURS LATER  
  
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!  
  
(Unknown voice) Now back to your normaly scheduled program.  
  
(Zidane + Irvine)(both asleep in news room.  
  
(Irvine) Snorr.  
  
(Zidane) Wake up!  
  
(Irvine) SNORT! What?  
  
(Zidane) We're back on!  
  
(Irvine) Oh..  
  
(Zidane) Now back to our enterview! Irvine how many dates have you gone on? And who were they? Did you like them?  
  
(Irvine) My first date was with Selphie Tillmit. She was pretty hyper,but that's why I liked her. Then I dated a girl named Rowi. I met her at Balam garden.  
  
(Zidane) (Wispers) Wherever that is ..  
  
(Zidane) Who did you like more?  
  
(Irvine) I'd have to say Selphie!!  
  
(Rowi) (Dashes into the news room Takes off Irvines hat. Camera shows Irvines head all blurry) Look everyone Irvine's head is bald!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !! (Runs out of news room)  
  
(Irvine puts his hat back on. The camera shows his head not blurry anymore)  
  
(Zidane) I see why you don't like her as much.  
  
(Irvine) She brings back bad memories..  
  
(Rowi) (Comes back in room) I object!!!!!!!!!!!!(Runs back out of room)  
  
(Zidane) Thanks for leting us enterview you Irvine!  
  
(Irvine) Your welcome.  
  
(Zidane) And now for a word from our sponsors!  
  
(Portal upears in the room) Goku comes flying out.  
  
(Goku) Hey whered Majin Buu go?(sees Irvine + Zidane stairing at him) (Irvine) Whoa! Where'd you get those guns!!!!!  
  
(Goku) I don't have any guns!  
  
(Irvine) Not guns dimwad! Where'd you get thoughs muciles!?!?  
  
(Goku) Um...Internet?  
  
(Zidane) You're a cartoon you didn't get them from the internet your not real!  
  
(Goku) Nether are you!  
  
(Zidane) How'd you get in here anyways?  
  
(Goku) Portal?  
  
(Zidane) Go back to your own world!(pushed Goku back into the portal)(Portal closes)  
  
(Zidane) I guess that replaced the comercial! It wasn't really news today was it? Oh well this is Zidane signing off!  
  
(DarkAngel) I hope you liked it! Please send reviews! 


	4. Episode 4

Fantasy News Episode 4  
  
(DarkAngel) I do not own Final Fantasy 9 or Final Fantasy 8. Enjoy the show!!!  
  
(Zidane) Hi it's me your favorite character from Final Fantasy 9 with the News! Today we are going to have a short interview with Rowi!  
  
(Rowi walks into news room and sits in a chair by Zidane's desk)  
  
(Zidane) Rowi what are your Hobbies?  
  
(Rowi) Mostly drawing and reading Anime comics like Shonen Jump.  
  
(Zidane) Interesting, and what is your favorite character from Final Fantasy 9?  
  
(Rowi) You of course! ( Runs over and gives Zidane a big kiss on the cheek)( Zidane falls over dead.)  
  
(Rowi) AHHHHH!!! I KILLED HIM!!!!! SOMBODY HELP! GET A PHENIOX DOWN! (Garnet runs in and gives Zidane a big fat kiss on the mouth)  
  
( Zidane ) I'm alive!!!!!  
  
(Heavenly angels from above) HAH LELUYA HAH LELUYA HAH LEYLUYA!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Zidane) Will somone shut those angels up!!  
  
(Rowi) SHUT UP YOU ANGELS UP THERE!!!!!!!!  
  
(Angels) Fine!  
  
(Zidane) Ok that's enough interview from Rowi.  
  
(Rowi) But I'm not done yet!!!!  
  
(Zidane) SECURITY!!!!!!!  
  
(Rowi runs out of the room)  
  
(Zidane) Now for a word from our sponsors!  
  
(Rowi) HI! Buy love potion it will make anybody who drinks it fall in love with you. (Rowi puts some love potion in a drink and gives it to Irvine)  
  
(Irvine) (Chases Rowi around the room) I love you Rowi! I love you Rowi! I love you Rowi!!!!  
  
(Rowi) Works like a charm!  
  
(Zidane) I didn't know she was a sponsor? Oh well... And now we have a special guest appearance by Squall!  
  
Squall) Hi.  
  
Zidane) So I heard you and Rinoa are getting married in two weeds?  
  
(Squall) Yeah that's right.  
  
(Zidane) So what kind of underwear dose she wear?  
  
(Squall) I'm not answering that question!  
  
(Zidane) @#%!@#$##@{|#@!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Kuja) Happy Halloween!!!!!(Pulls at face and takes off mask what appears to be Kuja is really Garnet!!!)  
  
(Zidane) (Stairs at Garnet then faints) THUMP!)  
  
(Garnet) Sorry to freak you out! Zidane is unconscious so I will sign off for him. This is Garnet signing off!  
  
DarkAngel) Hope it scared ya!!! Please send reviews!!!!!! 


	5. THE LOST EPISODE! YOUVE BEEN WAITING!

NOTE TO THE READERS: Hey this is Fireyone233 and I found this amongst my old files! ENJOY!

Fantasy News Episode 5

Zidane) Hi! It's me with the news on channel 19! Today I'm here to tell you how all us main characters Halloween went!

Dark Angel) This past Halloween.

FLASH BACK

Garnet) I love Halloween! (Dressed as Edea from Final Fantasy 8) Its just so fun dressing up with a all the candy and little ki-

Kuja) We get the picture…. (He would be trying to kill Zidane right now if this was the FF9 game)(dressed as a girl)

Dark Angel) He could fool anyone without being dressed up.

Eiko) CANDY! CANDY!CANDY! (Dressed as Britney Spears with a knife through her head)

Steiner) Aren't we a bit old for this? (Dressed as Elvis with the gaudy clothes and everything)

Zidane) Yea! So who cares! (Dressed as Inyuyasha with the cute little white ears and everything)

Vivi) Amarant,Quina, and Freya better hurry up everyone going to start trick or treating soon. (Dressed as a moogle)

Freya) I'm ready…(dressed as a zombie cheerleader)

Quina) Me no dressing up! Me just going as me!

Zidane) That's ok!

Amarant) I'm coming out you better not laugh…(dressed as Raggedy Ann)

It was Garnet's idea. She forced me to.

(Everybody) AAAHAAHAAAHAAHAHAAHAAHAHAHA!

Garnet) But he just looked so cute I couldn't resist!

Amarant) ( Grumble grumble)

Zidane) Everbodys here lets go scare someone!

END OF FLASH BACK

(Zidane) We scared some kids, but others just threw rocks at us. So we stopped scaring kids and just walked around getting candy like the other kids were doing. (Of course Eiko liked getting candy more than scaring kids.)

This is Zidane signing off.

Dark Angel) Sorry I haven't been on for a while I've been real busy (as usual.) It may seem kind of strange that I had this episode be a flash back on their Halloween but that's what I did. I actually made it quite a while back I just didn't get it put on. (It was Halloween at the time) It would make no sense to put a Halloween episode on right after Christmas. So I changed it a little and made it a flash back of their Halloween. Hope you liked it.


	6. Chapter 6

Hello! This is DarkAngel speaking. I haven't been able to get on Fanfiction for a long time. I had to get a new computer and a whole bunch of other crap. I only just got the lost episode posted and now I wrote another wonderfully ubber episode! Please enjoy. I also don't own Final Fantasy 9 which everyone in this entire world already knows.

"Hi! I'm your host Zidane with today's news! In hot news the world's largest cat saved twenty babies from a burning building. I'm here to find the scoop on how the cat saved the babies. (Giant cat walks on stage and sits itself down next to Zidane).

"Meow!"

"So what's your name?"

"Meow!"

"Well, obviously this isn't working. Dangnabit! I new I should've got that cat mind reader! (Zidane pulls out a paintball gun and aims it at the cat).

"Meow!" (Cat grabs the paintball gun and shoots Zidane in the ……)

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! This is the alarm system…There will be no….

"Go to Hell!" said Zidane as he goes backstage and finds the alarm controls. Hmm…. So many buttons which is the right one… Dang alarm system! You piece of…. (Zidane pulls out a very lacy piece of material from his pocket that appears to be Garnet's underwear. He sees Quina backstage and runs up to her with the undergarment.

"Die! Nobody likes you anyways! said Zidane. Quina falls to the ground dead. Her tongue slaps one of the buttons on the alarm controls (alarm system is still on) and miraculously turns the alarm system off.

Zidane has happily satisfied his anger and goes back onstage. The hero cat… Or whatever… Appears to be gone.

"Today we have a Vivi with the weather.

"Um.. Hi!.. Today will be snowy with a 95 chance of Hell……… Hail! I mean hail! ARG! I'm not cut out for this!

"Well thanks for the weather Vivi. And now a word from our sponsor!

"Do you have pimples? Then you need Clearasil Ultra! It gets rid of pimples in just 365 days. Call 0-666-I-GOT-PIMPLES.

"Now let's take you to upcoming movies. The Harry Potter series is going to have a new movie from the book _Harry Potter and the Prisoner in My Bed. _Sounds like a very self-explanatory movie doesn't it! WOW! I have just received news that Osama Binladin is an anorexic gay! He and Sadam Insane are supposedly partners. Talk about sick. What else is new! In star news Nicole Richie has called off her wedding! OOOOOOoooh…. Shocker! (Who Cares?) Let's have another word form our sponsor.

"It's almost Christmas. You know what that means! Santa's coming. Buy a Santa catcher for -100 dollars, and show it off to your friends! Call 6969-699-I-WANT- AN-UBBER-SANTA-CATCHER.

"Wow! I want a Santa catcher! Today we have a very special guest cloud! (Cloud walks onstage) (Some random girl walks onstage in just a towel with words on it saying _nothing comes between me and cloud_!"

"I love you Cloud! The girl screamed as she runs off stage.

"I just can't keep them away." Said Cloud as he sat in a chair next to Zidane.

"So Cloud I saw your movie _Advent Children._ Did you enjoy making the movie?"

"Naturally, I was the star and I did enjoy making the movie."

"The only thing I didn't like about your movie was when some of the subtitles went off the screen and I couldn't understand everything.

"Yea, well, ask the people who made the subtitles.

"So how's your love life Cloud?"

(DarkAngel" I bet he's like an old hermit! JK… Jk…..)

"Well, mea and Tifa started going out and we're taking things slow.

"Sure, that's what they all say. (Zidane winks and cracks a devious smile) Well Cloud I'm afraid we're out of time. Thanks from coming on my gangster, loser, show! This is Zidane signing off!

DarkAngel: I hope you enjoyed my Utra- Ubber- Episode of Zidane's channel 19 news! Please send me reviews, Even if they're bad. Please help me try to improve my show.


End file.
